Just another day, I got up with the alarm clock playing its tired buzz. Just once I would like to greet the morning with a smile. Too many days of tossing and turning have added up to me feeling more like a Zombie than human.
I hate sleeping alone. The other side of the bed feels like it has its own zip code. I should be used to it by now. It has been six months since Darrell left me. Each night I think I am prepared to face an empty pillow staring at me, but I roll over and see it and I am back to the first night alone again.
Why didn’t I see it coming? I should have. In retrospect there were so many signs, late nights at work, always keeping his cell phone next to him and out of town trips for work. I couldn’t see adultery because my eyes were filled with denial. Darrell was good at feeding me what I wanted to hear.
The redundancy of my emotions is like a talk show in reruns, the same people saying the same thing getting the same results. I have to, no I must, move on. This pity party train I have been on needs to stop. I should be relieved he is gone. My life had been spent doing what he wanted. I think it is the unknown that frightens me. I had been too comfortable swimming in the stagnant pool of my marriage than risk the ocean of change with its uncertainty.
This has got to be something other than just another day. My life is my own now. I get to make the decisions on its course. I have had too many days of tears. Perhaps I should let my shower symbolize washing the whine out of my life. Yes, this is as good a day as any to start again. Perhaps I will start by throwing away that damn pillow!
This is a story written from Carry On Tuesday's prompt I (she,he) should have seen it coming. It is fiction, but the emotion is real. I have known too many people who have lived this scenario.
©Susie Clevenger 2011
Written for Prompt #123