Tomorrow is a closed gate
vined with wilting dreams
my tears can no longer water.
Joy and sorrow are sisters
standing at my bedside
counting breaths until
dust calls for flesh and bone.
I feel my life fleeing hushed and
gentle like the gazelle
to a soon chiseled epitaph.
I am not afraid…the moon
waits to cradle me in its smile.
©Susie Clevenger 2014
(The line "I feel my life fleeing hushed and gentle like the gazelle" from Gabriela Mistral's poem, Dusk was the inspiration for this poem.)
I wrote this poem last night not knowing death would come to Robin Williams or the other souls that would make that journey. I have been at that desperate hour of suicide. Without Charlie I would not be here. He was a nineteen year old husband trying to catch a few hours of sleep with his hand wrapped around my wrist to keep me from roaming the night in search of death. We didn't tell anyone...our families didn't know...our friends didn't know. I medicated my pain with humor. I was screaming inside while showing the world a smile.
There is no sanity in suicide. It is a mind desperate to escape its thoughts, a body seeking escape from pain, the agony of feeling helpless in a world you are drowning in. It is not fair to those you leave behind.
Please, please reach out to those who struggle. Listen to them, encourage them, be there for them. I wrote this poem as peace for those who travel the valley to life's end and those who grieve..not for ending one's own life. But perhaps it can bring some comfort to those who are left with the pain of a loved one's suicide.
Goodbye Robin...You left us too soon.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide please know there are people who care. The world is much brighter with you in it. You are loved.
This is a link for suicide crisis organizations around the world.