Dec 3, 2013
I lived in a really small community where gossip could travel at the speed of light so I heard the rumors of why the previous baby sitter was relieved of her duties. In retrospect I can clearly see the perfect storm that was created to lead the girl down a path she never should have been shown in the first place.
I looked nothing like the other girl which isn't such an issue in itself, but I believe I was chosen because well...to put it bluntly I was fat. Let me give some clarity to that statement. When I arrived my first day the mother shared the usual things about what the boys could and couldn't eat, playtime, nap time, etc. Then she told me I was to go upstairs and wake her husband up when it was time for him to get ready for work.
What!?! Yes, she told me I was to climb the stairs to their bedroom and wake her husband up. I immediately balked at that command, but she said she needed to leave for work and I was to wake him up.
You have probably come to the conclusion that the other girl didn't have my chubby physique and you are correct, and caught the direction of the rumors. If anything did happen, it was flat out abuse. No child should be put in that situation regardless of whether she looked older than her actual age. Nor should she be named a whore because an adult man took advantage of her.
When it came time for me to make that climb upstairs I took my young charges with me and told them they would get to wake daddy up. I opened the door and let them jump right in the middle of their father. Thus by his complaints I knew my alarm clock had worked.
My parents didn't know what my duties were because as most teenagers do I didn't communicate it. When asked I just gave a shrug and mumbled, "I took care of the kids."
I can't remember for sure how long I lasted on the job. It was no more than a couple of weeks. Having to play alarm clock unnerved me so much I wasn't much fun for the little boys. When the mother told me she needed to let me go I couldn't have been happier.
Hindsight is so smug. It is easy to look back when you have stepped years from the event and see everything that you should or shouldn't have done. I know that was probably one of the only times I appreciated my chubby physique.
Oct 25, 2013
Oct 19, 2013
Few of us in the group had actually met face to face. Our friendship started from web connections, Twitter, Facebook, blogs, etc. Words, voices and images planted seeds that only needed the touch of together to deepen roots into family.
Because of an accident which resulted in a broken foot I had to attend via wheelchair. The group were gracious and caring. They made every effort to make me feel as welcome as those who were able to navigate on two feet.
I was only able to be with the group for a couple of days. To be honest there is a little hole in my heart that wishes it could have been filled with more time with them. My Indie friends, (how I love to say that), you were/are a bright spot in my life. So grateful I got to spend time with you!
Susie Clevenger's Slidely by Slidely - Slideshow maker
The following are links to this amazing group of authors:
Ben Ditmars ~ Ohio
Ciara Ballintyne ~ Australia
Julie Frayn ~ Canada
Amber Jerome-Norrgard ~ Texas
Justin Bog ~ Washington
Scott Morgan ~ Texas
Tracy James Jones ~ Texas
Sreya Bremtin ~ Texas
Melissa Craig ~ Australia
Lynn Hallbrooks ~ Texas
Dionne Lister ~ Australia
James Peercy ~ Texas
Charity Parkerson ~ Tennessee
Michael Rogers ~ Texas
Melissa Zaroski ~ Illinois
M. E. Franco ~ California
I would also like to include an author I met at Half Price Books, Jacqueline E. Smith. Although she wasn't officially part of the event, I was so blessed to meet her because of it.
Jacqueline E. Smith ~ Texas
Oct 18, 2013
Oct 9, 2013
Sep 26, 2013
Sep 24, 2013
Come join authors from the U.S, Canada and Australia and meet the the most notable and recognized writers in the indie author movement.
Slated authors include:
Ben Ditmars (Night Poems)
Charity Parkerson (The Sexy & The Undead (Sexy Witches) (Volume 1)
Justin Bog (Sandcastle and Other Stories)
Tracy James Jones ("Secrets & Lies")
Susie Clevenger (Dirt Road Dreams)
M.E. Franco (Where Will You Run? (Dion)
Scott Morgan (Character Development From the Inside Out)
Lynn Hallbrooks (Call Sign: Wrecking Crew (Storm Warning)
Amber Jerome~Norrgard (The Color of Dawn: Poetry by a member of Generation X)
Dionne Lister (Shadows of the Realm (The Circle of Talia)
Melissa Craig (Plentiful Package (Simply Breathtaking Series)
Julie Frayn (Suicide City, A Love Story)
Register NOW! http://www.indievengeanceday.eventbrite.com/
Sep 20, 2013
Sep 13, 2013
Aug 24, 2013
Aug 11, 2013
The above blog was written by youngest daughter, Carrie. She writes of affection, physical affection of hugging, touching, and kissing. She lives in Oklahoma and our oldest daughter, Dawn, Charlie and I live in Texas. Because her birth family lives 8 hours from her she has found "family" in friends where she lives. Carrie speaks of her ability to have physical contact with them in a manner she has not been able to with her dad and I.
She speaks that part of it may have been a result from trying to deal with the loss of her grandparents. Grief often can cause you to withdraw from those who you need to draw closest to. Pain puts up a barrier that we can't seem to climb over or break through.
It began with the loss of my mother to Alzheimer's. Emotionally my mother had left me, the family, five years before her death. We were erased from her brain by disease, but her actual death was no less painful. She was the first parent/grandparent to die. My sister Debby called me to tell me our mother wouldn't survive her bout of pneumonia and we headed to Missouri. I got to be by her side when death called her home, but she was in a coma by the time I got to the hospital so I never got to hear her speak again. I remember standing by the bed just wailing mama, mama, mama. She died on November 7, 2007
Her death began the chain of loss that came too fast and too tragically. It is no wonder Carrie didn't know what to do to comfort us. Charlie and I found it hard to comfort one another. In 2011 my father was standing at the mirror shaving when he had a heart attack and died instantly. The call from my sister, Sharon, telling me he was gone rocked me to the core. I remember being in the car and wailing, my Pappy, my pappy. We were blessed to have him for so long. He was 91 when he died in January of that year. Again, Carrie, had to make a trip to see family under tragic conditions. The heartbreak didn't even have a chance to begin any sort of healing when my father-in-law suffered a heart attack that took his life on February 24th, my birthday. I am so thankful Charlie was able to be there when his father died but Carrie nor Dawn was able to attend his funeral.
This April 5, 2013, we lost Charlie's mother, the last surviving parent/grandparent to a tragic accident. She was frail and in poor health, but we were struck speechless by the suddenness and manner of her death. It left siblings wounded with their claws out so there was little comfort from that front and Carrie and Dawn could do little more than watch and shrink into their own grief.
Since Charlie and I moved back to Texas in 2003 there has been so much trauma with his heart surgery, Dawn's surgeries including losing a kidney to cancer, and my severe car accident that left me injured and altered. Carrie was not able to be here for much of it to offer comfort and support. She had to do it from Oklahoma which I am sure added to what she feels is a failure to hug and comfort. You can't hold a phone to wipe tears or put your arms around a text. She turned to those around her for comfort. When we were finally able to see her after these events, it must have been awkward for her. Possibly consciously or unconsciously she questioned whether to discuss the trauma or just stay in the moment when she was with us.
As a family we have remained close, as close as physical distance can maintain. The three of us here miss Carrie so much. We try not to dwell on it, but we have our moments when it breaks us down. She is beautiful, intelligent and successful. She has climbed over some tall hurdles in her own life that have left splinters. They are painful and difficult to remove, but she is working on it as the rest of us work on our own. When we are together next time we just need to let the barriers down we have built to deal with our pain and wrap our arms around one another to feel flesh and bone respond to touch which after all is one of the most powerful ways to heal there is.
We love you Carrie Danyelle, never doubt it and always know it is there even when we can't hold you in our arms.
MOM and Dad
Like Carrie I posted this intimate conversation in hopes it may help others who face the same problem. May all of us open our arms to one another.
Aug 8, 2013
Jul 26, 2013
Jul 18, 2013
Today was good news for my oldest daughter, Dawn. She took a pet scan today and the results were really good. I truly believe dealing with some issues over her ex husband really opened up the avenues of healing. She not only kicked him to the curb a couple of years a go, but tossed some reminders in the trash recently that was a real hallelujah moment not only for her, but for me as well. Since I am staying positive I won't write what I really think about him. Plus that would probably require a strong language warning to boot!
Here is a song she wrote recently. She says it is a work in progress. Keep going, keep dreaming, keep loving my beautiful child.
Jun 29, 2013
Jun 21, 2013
Jun 13, 2013
Jun 11, 2013
We left from Puerto Rico on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, the Valor. On every other cruise we have ever been on we saw all the shows at night, mingled with all the other guests and rose before the sun was up to watch us arrive at port from the main decks. This year was the first year we had a room with a balcony. We thought it was actually something would didn't have any need for since we spent little time in our room. We discovered on this cruise it was a welcome and much needed sanctuary.
Unlike previous years we didn't spend a lot of time roaming the ship at night. We retired early to our room to sit on the deck to watch the stars and moon, listen to the water, and talk. Life had hit us hard the past several years with the loss of our parents, illness, and family discord. We desperately needed the time to unwind from all of it.
I think this was one of the first times I have ever traveled that I wasn't anxious to get back home. I wasn't ready to give up that balcony or the beauty of the Caribbean. With all the excitement of sightseeing there was still an incredible sense of peace. Even now I wish I could return, but life doesn't work that way. You have to unpack your suitcases to settle back into routine. It just seems much harder this time.
May 2, 2013
Struggling with losing my voice has had me realize I don't always put it to good use. There are times I complain about things that in the big scheme of life don't mean a thing. Over the last few weeks I have been grumbling about someone who isn't going to change. Every time I get drawn back in it turns into a mess causing me to amp up my "bitch" factor. Yes, I have one. Those closest to me know all about it. I have had some justification in my feelings, but my reaction is totally up to me. I guess my own vocal chords rebelled and shut me up.
I have a choice to spew my negativity or take a deep breath and write if off as a lesson learned. I can hear The Who's song, I Won't Be Fooled Again, playing in my head. So in this time of enforced silence I am going to let the person and the drama go. Blame is a two way street so I will shut up, stop pointing my finger, and let it go.
Apr 27, 2013
Welcome to this special edition of the Creative Nexus Café, which is a selection of memorable moments from the popular BlogTalkRadio internet radio show, a program promoting the arts, poetry, prose, interpretive readings, and philosophical thought to inspire the creative mind.
Featured in this special edition are:
Natasha Lynn Head, producer, host, and Dj
Roger Allen Baut, producer, host, and Dj
Susie Clevenger, author, poet, photographer, and coordinator of the Nexus Café
Joanne Young Elliott, program and talent coordinator of the Nexus Café
Matthew Charles Hatt, artist, experimental music, and audio specialist of the Nexus Café
Beth Winter, poet, photographer, and coordinator of the NWCU
Agnew T. Pickens, poet
East Elysium, musicians
Heather Grace Stewart, poet, and her daughter Kayla
Johnny Clyde, composer
Kim G, host of AWOP (a world of progress) radio
Knightspring, Creator of mashups
Poppy Silver and O.R.M.E., musicians
The KLF, musicians
The Juggernauts, musicians
The Creative Nexus Café™ - SE (Special Edition) by Chasing Tao is licensed under a Creative Commons Licence.
Apr 17, 2013
When I started dating my husband, Charlie, she immediately took me into the family. I can honestly say we only had one argument in the 45 years I knew her. Of course we had different opinions, but we never let it divide us.
What was funny through all the years she was my mother-in-law I referred to her as Charlie's mom or Grandma. It was just an oddity on my part. For some reason I couldn't call her mom and calling her by her first name, Barbara, just didn't sit right on my tongue either. With the birth of our girls, Grandma, seemed to be the perfect name for her. She didn't mind and we often joked about it.
I really feel her loss. She was the last living parent for both Charlie and I. Somewhere on a cloud I know she is dancing with Charlie's dad and hugging my husband's twin she never got to know. She always believed those who have departed this life send signs to let their loved ones know they are alright. I will watch for a sign from her and wipe my tears with the joy she is now at peace.
Feb 11, 2013
Feb 4, 2013
There is so much retail pandering to the billfolds of consumers. They have created enough guilt to have people rushing to buy candy and flowers to create the facade of love to assuage the demanding or the whining lips that have caught the Valentine bug.
Feb 3, 2013
Following my Muse's lead I wrote of topics I hadn't even considered a few weeks ago. It is odd to use abortion, travel, and spring in the same sentence, but that is where my pen took me. Those were the messages whispered in my head to create. I must clarify all though those three words are in the same sentence, they were all used in different poems.
I had one friend who asked me, "Where do you come up with this sh _ _?"
Well, I hope it isn't the term he used. I just tossed back at him, "It is called imagination." I am not sure he knows what that means if it doesn't have a rating on it as to content.
Writing can be running at full speed into an unexpected wall. Everyone who has picked up a pen knows what that feels like. I managed to get through this one. Hopefully I won't encounter it again for sometime to come. It is time to create; strike while the flint is hot so to speak.
Head on over to Confessions of a Laundry Goddess to read where my ink has been.
Jan 28, 2013
I need to learn how to meditate. When I try all I can think about is...Am I doing it right? Maybe writing is my meditation. That is the only time when I can tune out the outer world to listen to the inner world.
Sleep would be nice. I never get enough of it. That began when I was a child. My bedroom was the living room. I slept on a couch from the time I was five years old until I got married at nineteen. All those years I slept in what could only be identified as public space. No, I am not whining about how bad I had it as a kid. I am just stating where my insomnia began.
I suppose it doesn't help I am surrounded by ticking clocks. In this digital world I find I like the old fashioned movement of hands counting their way around numbers. But then I complain of the noise.
Well, I have rambled, chased rabbits, forgotten the point of this whole cursor chase across the page. Oh yes, it was I have so much to say. I didn't say it would make sense.
Jan 17, 2013
We have talked about everything from Spain to Canada. There are endless possibilities, but so far that "certain" destination just hasn't presented itself yet. I know without a doubt my camera will go along. I am anxious to get some new shots. Also a change of scenery would be great to kick start some new poetry ideas.
With not as many years ahead of us as we have behind us we don't want to miss a moment of seeing as much as we can. They are just too precious! We know people our age that are sleeping their lives away. I don't understand it.
Hopefully we will decide on where we are going. Maybe it won't be one big trip, but several small ones. There is so much out there I haven't seen. Shoot, there is so much right around me that is yet to be explored. Wherever it is I will most certainly share it with the world through my photographs!