Jun 1, 2012

When You Find Me

Kellie Elmore presented us with the challenge on her Free Write Friday to watch this beautiful video from Ron Howard and Project Imain8ion When You Find Me and write our impressions and feelings from it.



I watched this video and was immediately transformed into a child. I lost my mother seven years ago and with her passing I could not stop the little girl in my heart from crying for her mama. It didn’t matter
I was an adult woman with grown children of my own. When I stood by her bed and watched her take her final breath all I could do was weep and say mama.

About a week after my mother died I was home and had just completed my morning walk. When I entered the cul de sac across from my house it was filled with the scent of flowers. It was November and though it was warm in Texas where I lived nothing was blooming. It felt like I was inhaling a thousand bouquets. I turned a complete circle and knew a natural reason was impossible. Without a doubt I know it was a gift from my mother. She loved flowers, but with her allergies she could never have them in the house. It was her way of telling me she saw my broken heart and was sending me comfort. She now remembered me because her memory had been stolen in life by Alzheimer’s. 

________________________________________________________


It is no surprise that my muse would send me a poem in the voice of a child. I listened and wrote down her words.


When You Find Me


Mama, where is heaven?
Everyone told me you went there.
How can that be?
I saw them put you in the ground.

If I could fly, could I go to you?
I haven’t wings, but if I wish hard enough
won’t the angels make them for me?

I know. If I go to sleep you will whisper to me.
You told me secrets can’t come
when my eyes are open.

Mama, I see the moon. You must be there.
Daddy said you loved to walk in the moonlight.
I am sure you can see our house with its light
and can find your way home.

Daddy was just here and we said our prayers.
I am closing my eyes tight so I can fall asleep fast.
I will be a good girl and tucked in my sheets when you find me.


©Susie Clevenger 2012

57 comments:

  1. Oh Susie --- I just finished watching Kellie's prompt "when you find me" and I saw you posted ... so I clicked to read yours ... and if the emotions didn't surface during the film -- this was the finishing touch to make those tears flow over in a stream. I still have my mom (thankfully, although we are not close), but it is my dad that I was the closes, and he is gone ... I suppose the grieving process is still not complete as I can barely see to type. Thank you for sharing, and I send you love and light in your journey with out your mom. I believe, although their physical presence is absent, their spirit remains with us forever and ever until we meet them again in Heaven. I am not sure I can manage a write for this ... then again, maybe now IS the best time ... I will see. Good thing I use the computer because the ink would be running and getting in the way of my writing and reading what I wrote. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The video had me in tears also. As I watched it all I could think about was my mother. I think it would be good to write about your father. It has helped me immensely with the pain of losing my mother and my father(who died last year)to write out some of my emotions about them.

      Delete
  2. The video is very moving, but your poem is one of your best. Every time you sit down and open up a vein, we are all enriched by your work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Charles. Such high praise from you is an honor.

      Delete
  3. My mother died suddenly just 2 days before her 56th birthday. she wasn't just my mother, she was also one of my best friends. She was the first person I had loved that deeply and ever lost and, her loss changed my life. Thankfully I did get to say goodbye before they operated on her. She had a brain aneurysm.
    This is very moving and, I so agree that our loved ones can and do send us signs that they are still very much 'with us' At times I've been very low, life has seemed so hard, I've had overwhelming thoughts of my mother flood my mind and then felt my hair move slightly, as if there was a breeze and yet, I knew for sure there wasn't. They never really leave us (I don't think) and they're love is always, always with us, in our hearts.
    This is heartfelt and, a lovely tribute to your mother Susie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you..I think a mother's love is so strong it stays with us until we too are gone.

      Delete
  4. oh my Susie. I think that this being written as a child's POV was perfect. You grabbed my heart and tugged on it with every word. Tears gathered in my throat as I read. how very beautiful. I love your narrative at the beginning about the flowers. I often times will smell my grandma, like a mix of her lotion and perfume. Just a subtle whiff but, enough to feel like she just passed by to say hello. I love when that happens. Thank you for sharing and taking time out to watch the film. So happy to have you participate. Big hugs! xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you Kellie..after watching it all I could think about was a child's reaction to the death of her mother. Thanks again for the prompt. It truly was a beautiful film and inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  6. A sweetness in this, the child's point of view, pulls at heartstrings and yearnings. Nicely done, Susie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kim...I couldn't see any other way to write it than through the eyes of a child...the video just took me there.

      Delete
  7. A very moving video, it made me cry. I love your child's point of view here, innocence and love and warmth ~ Excellent response ~

    ReplyDelete
  8. So sad to lose a beloved mother at any age--and do the children in us ever grow up when it comes to losing a mom? This is a lovely tribute to the love you have for your mother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Peggy...I will always be my mama's little girl even though she is gone.

      Delete
  9. Wistful, winsome, and beautifully constructed. The voice is wonderfully authentic. Fine, fine piece of work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you...the video raised so many emotions in me and memories.

      Delete
  10. A very moving story and poem that followed.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Susie- You've brought me to tears, too... especially the flowers b/c I've had similar occurences after the death of a loved one. The poem is amazing, so many good lines. You've really touched me today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Laurie...I will always remember the scent of flowers that filled the air that day.

      Delete
  12. Susie, what a moving post this was, between your story about your mother, and then the wonderful poem, and the sharing that has gone on in the comments.

    For certain, that was your mother with the scent of flowers.......people often speak of visits from those who have recently passed over coming as the scent of flowers.

    What a lovely sharing in here tonight. I am so sorry for the loss of both of your parents. That is very hard. And Bren's story, too.
    You have touched a lot of hearts with your writing today.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you Sherry...it means so much to know others have been reached by my writing. The video so moved me..I cried through it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you Susie for sharing~ I have experienced odd things after losing my Dad. I was eighteen, when he died suddenly~
    Your poem was beautiful and I believe they do find us! This made me cry and yet reminded me of those memories that gave me peace!

    Thank you for this gift! xXx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Ella...I wrote this in tears...

      Delete
  15. I can relate so deeply to this Susie. My mother passed aways when I was 9 years old, and I saw her take her last breath...not realizing it. I love that you wrote the poem thought the eyes of the child in your heart. Just as our children grow up and are always our children, so are our Mothers always that mama to our hearts. Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Carrie...so sorry you lost your mother so young.

      Delete
  16. This is so touching, more so because it is written from the child's perspective. I know what it is to lose a mother - never good at any age.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Damn...video is amazing and your reaction and the emotions that came bubbling up and allowed you to write that gem I would put in the priceless category. Sad and filled with longing, a depth of feeling rivaled by none. Great post Susie, as sad as it was I really enjoyed the whole package.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is so, so very beautiful. I imagined you reading your poem with the voice of a child, listening with my ears as a child, and feeling it in my heart as if it was the heart of a child - and my heart broke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Semaphore...I cried when watching the video and then when writing..It brought me peace.

      Delete
  19. love the trustful and hopeful voice in this and a cool encounter with the flower scent as well.. just the bit of comfort you needed it seems..it's hard to lose our parents, no matter what age we or they are

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Claudia...I will never forget that day and the flower scent my mother sent to me.

      Delete
  20. tears...my wife lost her mom a few years back...it is so hard....i can def hear the childs voice...and feel this as it is and was all too real to me...smiles...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry your wife lost her mother..I know how painful that is.

      Delete
  21. You capture the voice of the child and the broken heart of the one left behind so well. Very beautiful write, Susie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you...The video just spoke to my inner child.

      Delete
  22. so tender, moving and yet so delicately beautiful.very nicely done. kinda reminds me of the beginning of knocking on heaven's door.

    ReplyDelete
  23. This touched me in so many ways. Lost my mom at such a young age (7), I can truly relate to this. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Ginny...it must have been so hard to lose your mother so young.

      Delete
  24. Hi Susie, this is truly beautiful well done and sorry to hear about your mom. I saw this on Kellie's site too and found it a tough watch as it pushed every button I have. My mom died aged 36yrs when I was just eleven years old.The piece I submitted for Kellie's prompt was a piece of prose I wrote for something else a few weeks back but it just seemed so appropriate. http://wp.me/p2dIML-6r

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so sorry you lost your mother when you were so young...thank you for your kind response.

      Delete
  25. Susie...I know it's been said already, but this reader is leaving in tears with a golf ball sized lump in her throat and her heart open for the first time in days...thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Natasha...it was so emotional for me to write.

      Delete
  26. Powerful writing & transformative power of film & story especially told through a child's loss of their mother ~ I lost my dad when I was ten, my older sister in 1998 & lost my mon in 2000 ~ since then another sister & brother ~ I miss them so!
    Loss is carried with me always with knowing I am with them still ~. As we wait to meet again!
    Thank you for posting ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Joan...so sorry you have experienced so much loss...someday there will be a beautiful reunion

      Delete
  27. Susie I haven't been able to write anything from Kellie's prompt I watched that video and cried as if I just lost Klysta yesterday. I finally got brave enough to read your post now and I can't stop crying again. Just to real for me. Love you sister ~friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Len...goodness I know it must have been so painful for you. I cried when I watched it. It took me to my inner child and I heard her voice and wrote from that inspiration.

      Delete
  28. Oh Susie, this really pulls the heart strings for me. My mom also had Alzheimer's and died from complications related to it. Thank you for this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mary. I don't think anyone who has experienced a family member or friend with Alzheimer's really understands the toll it takes. Unfortunately more and more people are finding out how tragic it is.

      Delete
  29. Loss is loss at any age - and the more we deny it, the harder it is. A 16 or 48, the loss of a parent hurts.

    Cheers - Stewart M - Melbourne

    ReplyDelete